Dead
by MoonDot
Summary: Harry dies. Well, mostly. AU
1. This is how heros die

_A/N: Hey guys, although this is not the first time I'm putting up a story...(the old ones deleted due to embarassment) I hope you'll all tolerate my horrible, terrible writings._

**Disclaimer: I do not own the books, the characters, only my own ideas.  
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Harry Potter stepped out of Hogwarts' school gates with deep remorse as he had failed to save everyone once again. He may have proceeded to whine and cry in depression about the unfairness of it all, but hordes of fans suddenly appeared to rip him apart, hoping to get a piece of The Chosen One himself, also causing him to die a much more pathetic death than Voldemort, who was killed by a seventeen year old boy.

Voldemort's soul screamed from the fiery burning pits of Hell down below, cursing Harry, who made his death looked even more pathetic, as he was now The Dark Lord Who Was Killed By A Seventeen Year Old Boy Who Got Killed By Crazy Fans. How terribly troubling this is.

Harry fortunately fainted before any fans tore his dangling bits off.

When he opened his eyes, a familiar voice greeted him. "Harry… My dear boy! Back again?" It was dear Dumbles, standing before him on Platform ¾, he continued, "It would seem that you're staying here for good. Care for some lemon drops? I have plenty." He beckons Harry over with his other hand holding a bright purple pouch with little pictures of stars. Harry stared with wide eyes.

Still unable to comprehend what had just happened, he took a couple of lemon drops from the pouch anyway. But when the tip of his tongue touched the candy, colors exploded upon his eyes.

Then there was nothing.

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A/N: Short, I know. And thus the end of the prologue


	2. That damnable manslut

_**A/N:** Hey guys, sorry for the wait._

**Disclaimer: Imma hobo, own nothing. 'Cept for mes ideas.**

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"Oh dear."

The empty spot where Harry was standing seconds before was burning slightly, wisps of bluish smoke floating here and there. Dumbledore was dumbfounded. He looked at the little adorable tiny stars sewn purple pouch with respectable caution. He had at least no less than fifty Lemon drops from the pouch everyday, so that incident really shouldn't had happened, his lemon drops were all legally safe! Does that mean he will spontaneously combust one day? Having his ancient soul blasted to bits was not happy happy thought, so he fill his mind with pitiful Harry instead. Poor, dear, sweet Harry. He did not even get a proper chance to enjoy his life full while alive, now his soul promptly exploded into nothingness before getting to carefully enjoy his lemon drops. Dumbledore hoped that whatever bits of Harry will not blame his delicious, delightful lemon drops.

And now he must run. Before the dead spirit of Lily founds out about this, he must escape to Merlin knows where. She will snatch and burn all his precious lemon drops. With her dead husband and drooling friend, they will.

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Harry was pulled through a whirling vortex of colors, which for some unknown reasons, wear some very familiar faces. The first he saw resembles him to a very scary extent; it looks to be in agony and was blue.

The rest was so fast he could not see straight, every color imaginable was pumped into his eyes, his vision blurred and burned, he could barely see himself

"Harry...."

He heard a voice, a very soft dreamy voice that sounded like Luna, he turned, and saw red with his mother's green eyes. Harry cried out blood and screamed.

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Two sets of feet stormed down to the Great Hall. A hand pushed open the doors, the pairs of feet headed on to the Gryffindor table. Glares were sent to those that dared to whisper and stare.

"I can't believe it! That slimy ferret must have something to do with it! We all know that he disappeared the same day Harry did!" Ron yelled, and slammed his hands on the table, startling those sitting nearby.

"But Ron!" Hermione argued," Malfoy doesn't have a reason to kidnap Harry, he saved Malfoy so many times! And many people disappeared that day like him! You kept saying that Malfoy's a manslut and wanted him for himself, that doesn't explain anything! Even if Malfoy did kidnap Harry, I'd rather have that happen than Malfoy leaving him to those mobbing fans! Can't you stop accusing Malfoy and start to focus more on finding Harry instead?"

Hermione tried nudging Ron to sit down to no avail. Ron just shoved some food into his robes and ran back up to the dorms with a "hummpff!"

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In a dark alley up in New York, a figure sits down in his cardboard box home and smirks to his companion. His hands were filled with MacDonald coupons.

"So, how do we use these anyway?"

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_**A/N:** You people can't imagine how motivated I am when I gotten a PM from the Ninja guy asking when it would updated. So fucking joyed._


	3. The creeping Death

**A/N: I'm running out of funnies D: I know it's really really short and dissapointing**

Disclaimer: I swear upon my magic that I am not Harry's pimp

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Harry signed; it was really not a good day for him. First he was torn to bits by strange people sporting clothing with the words, "I WANNA HAVE H.P BABIES! 1!" Second, he later met ol' Dumbles, that meddling old cod who confirmed that he really is dead. Then when he finally felt like accepting the lemon drops offer, it fucking exploded on him and flushes him into color land like that horrible swirly forced on him by Duddikins back in elementary school and the surroundings had colors with a FACE on it. As if it wasn't enough, he heard Luna's voice saying hello in a whisper like Moaning Mytle. His damn eyes were still bleeding too. Really, could it possibly get any worse?!

No was the answer in his head, judging by the flaming black surroundings, faceless people screaming, he was literally in hell. It seems that he was stepping on a pool of blood too. So when a half-snake lady with curling horns and big milk jugs approached him smiling like Snape got laid, obviously a teenage boy like Harry would get a boner and shit his pants at the same time.

"Harry James Potter, Defeater of Tom Marvolo Riddle and Master of Death. Pleasure to meet you, I am Death." Whispered the lady who gave a mock bow.

While curling herself around Harry, she trails her long thin fingers round his shoulders. This continues in silence until Harry gathered his wits and gulped, saying his first sentence in a looong time.

"Erm… Excuse me? What am I doing here? What's this all about? Som… Some kind of a joke?" He bit in his lips and felt her embracing him.

"Harry Harry, this is no joke." Sh-He laughs. "Timid ignorant Harry, you are **dead**, both body and soul between my grasp." Death morphed into a man. 'I am now Master of you, just as you are Master of me, isn't that neat?" Death brushes his white hair onto Harry's shoulder, giggling.

Crocodile tears rolled down his pale cheeks. "It's like playing Husband and Wife~" He giggled once more, and bent down to bit Harry's neck hard.

Harry shudders. His body cold with sweat. This is really not a good day.


	4. The ringing of laughter

**A/N:** _Instead of revising for a subject which I would have failed anyway, I took an time out and wrote. But I keep getting the feeling that I'm writing some porno story with Harry as the reluctant main character._

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing to my name, only my body and mind.**_

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Laughter filled everywhere.

Death was laughing with madness in his eyes, he threw his head back, stuffing his hands in to muffle the giggles that was starting. It was like Time had stopped to let the playful Fate feed her mud pies to the scenario. All things that were screaming before was laughing. They all dropped down their supposed duties and laughed, laughing at Harry. Death plunged her hands into Harry chest and pulled out a chain. At once, Harry felt an ominous presence, a hole in him, so _hollow_. She started to chew on the chain, ebbing it away. Mouths started forming everywhere. All had jaws that moved up and down, up and down.

But they never did stopped laughing.

Harry does not like the laughter; it all sounded too much like Bellatrix's, her laugh before her death, her last laugh before she falls to the ground **_dead_**. It sounded all too much like the laugh she had when she followed her eyes from falling shocked Sirius into Veil.

So he yells

"ShutupShutupShutupShutupShutupShutupShutupShutupShutupShutup **SHUT UP!**"

But they never did and Harry continues to yell the two words rolling on the floor. Before he could yell his throat hoarse, he vomited out something white, his entire body was full of happy, laughing mouths, so they vomited too. The white goo covered him from head to toe. Harry took a sniff; it smells like blood and clay.

Death gave him a delighted smile and chomped away the last bits of his chain.

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**BOOMZ**

Harry explodes.

_Again_

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And he falls

**_Falling_**

He wondered how was Ron and Hermione doing, he hoped he hadn't made them worried

**_Falling_**

How much time had passed? No matter how painful, he should go to the all funerals to pay some respect to those that had died in the battle.

**_Falling_**

Lupin…Tonks. Who was there to take care of little Teddy now? Perhaps Madam Andromeda?

**_Falling_**

But that doesn't matter much now, was it? He was already dead, he could not have done a thing to help.

**_Falling_**

If only he could go back in time to stop the dying… He hoped they could forgive him.

**_Falling_**

If only he hadn't stepped outside… The insane mob would not have killed him.

**_Falling_**

Now he wonders briefly on what had happened to Malfoy? Was he reunited with Nacrissa and Lucius? However, He had a feeling the Malfoy had ended up in a gutter somewhere, made a living as a beggar and made attempts to steal other beggar's half-eaten burgers. With that muse, he chuckles, that would be amusing

**_Falling_**

But that would never happened, due to that infamous Malfoy pride and all.

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.

And Harry splatters on cold, hard ground.

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"Hey kid, kiddo?" A deep voice. "You all right there?" Harry felt himself lifted up by a pair of hands.

"Who...what?" Harry creak his eyes open. The man who had helped him up was quite muscular and tall, his hair was odd, all the ends of his hair were tipped upwards in two opposite directions.

_Like a wolf_, Harry thought.

'Erm...Yeah, I'm okay.. I think." His mouth gave way to nervous laughter, before he gaped at his surroundings and asked, "Wait, Where the bloody hell am I?!"

Is that the Statue of Liberty?! What was it doing here?! Panicked, he looked around. Tall, grayscale buildings around him, noisy cars, people talking in an a way he was un familiar to.

Harry had the feeling he was not in Scotland anymore.

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**A/N:** _I think I just lost my funny._


	5. A wild Hobo appears!

_A/N: LOL HAI GUISES I FAILED 3 SUBJECTS HA HA MY MOM'S GUNNA KI-_

**Disclaimer: I do not own any thing that is within this story I've written, only my ideas.**

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James Howlett was not a foolish man, he was an awesome guy, hardened by cruel battles and years of being lost in nowhere he could remember. So it all only took one look and a sniff to know that the fumbling young man in front of him was not normal nor the average teen that likes to get drunk his ass off every Saturday night at a party.

But he seriously smells like one. That, and a drug addict. There's also something... He can't quite put his finger on... _Very_ _powerful_.

Viagra...?

Nah, not that. That came from the garbage behind him.

The mysterious and appealing scent may eventually prove to be a dangerous factor, which he knows. Yet the teen looks to be relatively harmless, having such a frail body. So he guessed it would not hurt to help the teen a bit and told him his location, which is New York, obviously. "You're not American, right?" James added as an afterthought after noticing Harry's accent.

"Yeah, I-I'm from England..."

Harry was flabbergasted and he shivers. This was not a logical line of events! This was like the time when he gotten lost at that huge ass supermarket. All scared and alone till that sweet, caring counter lady picked him up and gave him a lollipop for him to suck on till Aunt Petunia came scowling in like a hawk to pick him up.

She was a godsend. And the little man calmed down a little after that memory.

He understands that being a Master of Death, he has the ability to control Death whichever way he wants with given permission. Death will never let him go. As long as he lives, the Hallows cannot be handled by other hands, the God knows Harry's views, desires. He shall keep it so. Death gave his silent trust to Harry when he sent Harry back to mortal plane and Harry gave it back, no matter how unwilling. He is noble, he is pure, and he is holy as the Valhalla, forever fighting.

And he was made immortal, never dying.

Yet he cannot understands how he landed in the States, there must have been a reason for it. Just that knowing Death for the few moments, having many screws loose, he could have discarded it. Even if Harry wants to ask him, he does not know how to reach Death's ears. And no more of that variety of _exploding_ travel please, thank you oh so very much.

And he was now lost again.

Then again, he-she, whatever gender Death was, he was laughing out of the sudden and did some creepy shit; groping his ass and licking his face. Harry shudders, he really does not want to remember **that**.

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Moving back to reality, Howlett was thinking. A kid like him shouldn't be wondering around by his lonesome, much less the darker and seedier areas of New York without his parents or a friend. So he asks Harry for his parents' whereabouts. Surely the youth would not travel to America from UK by himself! He then made a terrible discovery; both parents were dead.

They then both introduced themselves for convenience's sake. Dull green eyes dared not to look up, Harry has a bad feeling about him, despite the help. He was asking too many questions that was better left not known. He might hand him over to the police as a runaway, Harry knows. Living two years on the streets as a child can do that to you. Now wasn't such a fantastic time to have anyone knowing where he was, he might get attacked again. Time to escape!

"Well..er. Thanks for your help Mister! OKAYTHANKSBYE!" He spun on his heels and sprints away. Gratefully, Howlett did not gave chase.

Howlett followed his eyes up to a distance where Harry disappears. Harry may need taking care of, but now was not the time to be dilly dallying wasting time tailing the teen. He still must journey to Bayville to support the Professor's plans.

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Harry ran.

His legs are weakening fast, his body was weaker than usual. He was on the Gryffindor Quidditch team for goodness' sake! Panting and huffing in a quite painful manner, Harry wonders if Death made some changes to his physical body.....? Chosen Boy Wonder pull to a stop after what seems to be more than a mile. That was close, if anyone knows where he was now, a second death is definite.

Running for five minutes had already made him out of breathe, so Harry looked for a nice spot of wall to lean onto. He rubbed his eyes to chase the heaviness away...then he realized something, where are his glasses? Or his robes? It was strange, considering that he was still wearing them when the Battle ended. However, he could see perfectly, perhaps it was a good thing and his wand was still in his pocket,. Turning around the alleyway he had hid himself in....

_**Splish Splash**_

...He saw a cat. A very small rugged filthy cat. "Oh me gosh." Harry gasped, mouth opening into an 'o' and jumps away from its swipes.

The cat started to hiss at him, right paw reaching out, ready for another strike. Harry dared not move.

"Oi, Lugy!"

Green eyes turned to the left. There stood a ragged looking man, walking towards the cat with his hands held out. Harry was amazed by the amusing fashion this man has; a dirty red bandana tied on his head, big golden loops as earrings, a dirty trench coat, some sort of feather necklace and that beard. Good lord, the man had tied his beard into five pigtails. Why he had not tied up his proper hair was beyond Harry's mind.

What makes him look cool was that scar running down on his face in between from the left. All in all, the man looks like a hobo!Jack Sparrow. "Stop running away you stupid cat." He mumbled, and stroke Lugy's fur.

"Qua?" he said, when he noticed Harry. And the funniest thing was the he could have been Malfoy as a beggar with the way he was sneering. Ahaha~ what a jok- wait whut. And Harry noticed too. That voice, that nose...

"DRACO FUCKING MALFOY! WHAT IN MERLIN'S BLOODY BOLLOCKS ARE YOU DOING HERE?!1!" ...was what Harry would have said if he had found his voice to begin with. This sentence echoes deeply in Harry's mind for several times before 'Malfoy' gained a look of that says "NU WAI" and did something that was incredibly odd and out of character. Malfoy's face turns red, veins were popping up on his skin's surface, he yells angrily while waving Lugy, the cat around.

" **SONOVABITCH**! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU EMOS TO EMO SOMEWHERE ELSE, DAMN IT! I HAD ENOUGH YOUR FAGGOTRY BLEEDING EVERYWHERE! GO AWAY GO AWAY! SHOOOO! I HAVE MY CAT HERE!"

Harry tries to calm him down, unfortunately this just makes 'Malfoy' RAAAAAAAAAAGE and said something that should be threatening but not really.

"**ENGLISH** **MOTHERFUCKER** **DO** **YOU** **SPEAK** **IT**? AND IT IS A VERY VICIOUS CAT." He holds up a snarling Lugy and turns it towards Harry, trying to scare him into submission. Behind him, something moves in the shadow, a small hand reaches out to shove 'Malfoy' away.

" You dunce, see his hands? The waists? No scars yo, not a emo. Seriously. But a fag? Maybe, perhaps, mayhap. And I think he knows you. If not, he would have ran away screaming like a girly"

The speaker was a girl with raven hair and brown eyes, looking completely average other than Asian, which was not the norm around here. 'Malfoy' just point his head up high, trying to look dignified, never minding that his clothes make him look outrageous. Then he checks Harry, searching from head to toe and finally, noticed something that will actually move the story onwards.

_DUN_

_**DUN**_

_**DUN**_

**_-_**

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**Harry's Lighting Scar! **_**Yaaaaay**_**.**

_A/N: Coming back, I WOULD ABSOLUTELY LUV YOU GUYS TO HELL, if you review. Even a, "LOL this shit sucks." IS **OKAY**_~ _I might even say more on what's to come. As for the review xuehu lefted me, WEEEEEEELL..... Think of each chapter as a jijsaw puzzle, yeah?_

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